He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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