she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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