I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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