FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
