4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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