anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
