You just made me feel so damn special
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
