The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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