i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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