Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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