I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
