You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
