Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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