We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
