I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
