My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
