Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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