the condom got lost in my hair
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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