I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up under a house in Key West
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
