I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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