I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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