Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
