I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
