How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
