Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
