Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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