You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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