Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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