oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
