I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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