at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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