He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
