I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
