This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
