So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
