You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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