Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
