I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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