Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
