I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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