my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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