I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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