Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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