I'm so fucking centered right now
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
