Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
