Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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