Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
