listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize