how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
