He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
