I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
