So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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