Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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