I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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