No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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