sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
